


Undertow

by S J Smith (Evil_Little_Dog)



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-11
Updated: 2012-05-11
Packaged: 2017-11-05 04:44:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/402570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evil_Little_Dog/pseuds/S%20J%20Smith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary:  Buffy's been dreaming.  Pre-season seven, BtVS.  <br/>DIsclaimer:  Oh, Joss.  If only.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Undertow

Words flowed like water. They ebbed and pooled and eddied, swirling around her as she rinsed the dishes and stacked them into the dishwasher. They weren’t important, not on the cosmic sense, not in the ‘I-have-to-rush-right-out-and-kill-something’ type of way so she wasn’t really paying attention. Just the woosh and rush of sound, drifting up against her, lapping at her skin and then sliding away.

She didn’t know how many times her name had been called, only that one finally broke through the words she’d been drowning in. She clutched it like a lifeline, shaking her head, surfacing, blinking her eyes and wondering why everything was so bright, rather than…dark, dreamy green. “Huh?” she sputtered out, running a hand over her hair, wondering that it wasn’t mermaid-length and drifting around her body.

“I said, earth to Buffy, are you in there?” Xander leaned over the countertop of the island, his dark eyebrows disappearing beneath his bangs. His mobile mouth swept into a smile. “I was offering to take us all out for ice cream.” He made a show of dipping his hand into a pocket and pulling out two ten-dollar bills. “My treat.”

“Come on, Buffy, please?” Dawn said, clutching her hands together and cocking her head to one side.

Buffy leaned back against the countertop, the sharp edge digging into the small of back. “Why don’t you two go and bring me back a cup of something?”

“What, you don’t want to spend time with us?” Xander puffed up, a stormy glower moving over his forehead.

Her hands swirled slowly. “It’s not that, Xan,” she said, giving both of them an apologetic smile. “I, uh…there’s something I need to do. By myself.” The last two words were added firmly, trying to ward off an argument. “But you two go and have fun.”

“Are you sure?” Dawn’s brow furrowed, studying her sister closely.

Buffy withstood the scrutiny, nodding. “You two go.” She gestured at the sink full of dishes. “I’ve got this to finish, too. And you know how hard it is to get things clean after they’ve sat for a while.”

Xander and Dawn exchanged glances and mutual shrugs. “Okay,” Dawn chirped, bouncing off her barstool.

“Sure,” Xander said, sliding to the floor. “We’ll be back in a little while,” he said, offering Dawn his arm. “My lady, your coach awaits.”

Dawn giggled as they swept out of the room together. Buffy smiled after them, the corners of her mouth relaxing as the front door opened, then closed again. Turning back to the sink, she quickly took care of the rest of the dishes and started the washer. Wiping down the countertop and washing her hands, she glanced at the clock, mentally tallying the time in England.

Swallowing, she went to the dining room, plucking the telephone receiver from the wall. Hesitation nearly overtook her, but she punched in the numbers anyway, the long string needed for an international call. Clicks and pops heralded the connection being made and Buffy thought of the cable, traveling deep beneath the ocean, losing herself in that image, of fish and plants and an unending black so dark it was green.

And then a voice broke over the line, sounding just a little hollow, a voice that could make her cry if she let herself think. “H-hello?”

But she couldn’t think. “Giles?”

“Buffy?” There was a faint hesitation then his voice came even more clear. “Buffy, how are you? Is there something wrong?”

She laughed shortly, shaking her head even though she knew he couldn’t see. “No, Giles, just checking in. You know.” Twirling the cord around her finger, she slumped against the wall. “But it’s really nice to hear your voice.” She wondered at the plaintive sound of her own, how well he would be able to read her at such a distance.

“Yes, well,” he said, his own voice sounding suspiciously gruff. “I miss you as well.” There was a pause and then as if he remembered the astronomical cost of international calls, Giles said, “You didn’t call just to tell me that it is good to hear my voice. Do you want to speak to Willow?”

“No. I mean, yes, but I’m not calling this time to talk to her. I needed to talk to you.” Buffy sighed, releasing the tension in her chest. “I-I’ve been having dreams, Giles, and I don’t know what to make of them.”

“Dreams?” Intrigued, he sounded as if he’d moved closer to the telephone. Buffy could imagine him removing his glasses to peer at her and had to smile. “What sort of dreams?”

She blew out her cheeks. “This is gonna sound weird,” she said in preparation, “but…it’s like I’m inside a seashell. That there’s water, washing over me, dark, cold water, but I don’t feel the cold. And I’m trapped and-and I’m resigned to being trapped, because,” she shrugged, trying to find the words she needed to describe this sensation, “I don’t know, maybe I should be there.”

“Underwater?” Giles repeated, the connection popping a little. “Buffy, I’m not sure….”

“Trust me, neither am I.” She released the phone cord and watched it bounce. “But there’s more. I mean, this is only one dream. In another, I know I’m in the same place, underwater, I mean, and I’m almost content with it. Well, not really, but it’s like I understand. That the water will drift around me, and the fish still swim, and I regret but I’m okay with that. And this word comes, it almost surfaces, like, and I don’t know the word but that’s what I think of myself.”

“What word?”

Buffy tilted her eyes towards the ceiling, remembering the exact word. “Leviathan?”

She caught the sound of Giles, sucking in a breath. “Leviathan?”

“Yeah.” If she closed her eyes, Buffy could summon the feeling again, of drifting beneath the water, not like she was drowning but like she was…there, beneath the surface of the ocean, with bars of sunlight sometimes piercing the darkness, illuminating strange creatures. She felt that the world didn’t quite exist anymore, that the things that should bother her didn’t quite mean anything. There was just the water, surrounding her in her weird shell. Legends of mermaids swam through her dreams and sometimes, within the midnight green, she thought she caught a glimpse of the ruler of the deep.

“Buffy? Buffy! Are you still there?”

She blinked, shaking her head slightly. “I-I’m sorry, Giles. I sort of…drifted.”

The tone of his voice didn’t seem to indicate he’d found her choice of words funny. “Buffy, how long have you been having these dreams?”

“I’m not sure. Maybe…” She frowned, biting her lower lip as she counted. “About three months, now. At first they were more, I don’t know, strange? Like I wanted to fight but I knew I couldn’t, that there wasn’t any way for me to escape.” She tasted that word, wondering why she’d said it. Escape from what, she wondered. “Then, they were more, you know, peaceful. Resigned. And that’s when,” she took a deep breath, “I started dreaming that maybe I belonged there. That it’s where I should be. A Leviathan, beneath the sea.”

“How very peculiar.” She could just catch a faint clicking sound and guessed that Giles was chewing on the earpiece of his glasses. “H-have you told anyone else?”

“No.” Buffy sighed. “I don’t want to worry Xander or Dawn.”

“But you thought nothing of calling me.”

She grinned. “Hey, you’re my Watcher. It’s your job to be worried about me.”

“Yes, well.” Giles hesitated then laughed shortly. “I suppose it is. Buffy, do the dreams seem some sort of portent? A warning?”

“I don’t know. Maybe? Not really? Why? Do you think this Leviathan is gonna attack the Sunnydale?” Her stomach clutched at the thought of something rising from the depths of the ocean. How could she fight something like that?

“I-I don’t think so. But just to make sure, I’ll do some research and ring you back. I’ll try to call by this time tomorrow.”

“Thanks, Giles.” Buffy let the warmth color her voice. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, then.”

“Y-yes. Goodbye.”

“Bye.” She carefully replaced the receiver into its cradle and stared at her hand against the white plastic. Shaking herself all over, she slowly wafted through the hall, pausing at the shelves that held her mother’s books. Sitting cross-legged to the floor, she pulled out a large dictionary, flipping through the pages until she found the word she was looking for.

“‘Leviathan,’” she read aloud, “‘sea monster defeated by Yahweh in various scriptural accounts.’” Buffy shook her head, making a face. “Sea monster?” The thought that Giles might be right, that maybe it was a portent of something that was coming, pooled in her mind. But it didn’t quite feel that way.

Closing her eyes again, Buffy allowed herself to sink, to reach down to grasp that line that would pull her deeper beneath the surface of her dreams. It seemed the cold water swirled around her already cool skin; that the real world was so far away. It seemed that fish swam just beyond her reach. It seemed that darkness was all she could see; that her eyes strained to see something beyond the velvet black that was green.

She felt it prickling on her skin as she sank deeper, a hunger deep enough to drain the world. She could taste that pain, her own gut clenching in sympathetic agony. She let herself drift ever closer, the strange tie between herself and that pain intensifying. Rage licked along it, like a fire that shouldn’t burn beneath the water. Betrayal flickered there too, the emotions rippling inside her, filling her to overflowing. Buffy gasped but kept her eyes closed against the pain that washed over her, holding tightly to it like a lifeline though it kept dragging her down.

The front door crashed open, Xander’s cheery voice clanging out like the bell of a lighthouse. “The mighty hunters have returned with their prey!”

“Buffy! We got you Smurf flavor!” Dawn’s voice chimed in. “Buffy?”

Air rushed into her lungs like water and she sputtered, blinking her eyes as she surfaced from the waking dream. Coughing as if she’d actually been underwater, Buffy tried to keep from falling over. Dawn was there, cradling her close. “Buffy, are you all right? Talk to me!” Her hands ran over Buffy’s hair. “What’s going on?”

“Buffy? Can you hear us?” Xander asked, kneeling down, ice cream containers forgotten in his rush to help.

“I’m okay,” Buffy said, coughing. “Really.” She touched Dawn’s cheek lightly, giving Xander a smile. “Really,” she said emphatically when they both looked ready to question her again. “I was just doing a little research and I think I had a bad dream.” She glanced at the bag. “Did I hear someone mention Smurf ice cream?”

“I know how much you like dyeing your tongue blue,” Xander said, though the glance he shot her told her he was only going along with her putting him off for now. “C’mon, Dawn, let’s dish up some creamy dessert.”

“Are you really okay?” Dawn asked, her lower lip poked out.

“I’m fine, Dawn,” Buffy said, rising to her feet fluidly and pulling her sister after. “Just a little dream.” She snatched the bag from off the floor and peeked inside. “Ooo, whipped cream? And caramel topping? To the kitchen with you.” She made a dash between her best friend and sister. They pounded after her after a second’s hesitation.

A short time later, they were clustered around the island, eating blue ice cream that tasted of marshmallow, whipped cream and caramel. Xander pointed the bowl of his spoon at Buffy. “So, mind telling us what happened in there?”

“Just like I said. I wanted to look something up and…I fell asleep.” She shrugged, sucking some of the indigo ice cream off her spoon. “I dreamed. No big.”

“No big?” Xander scowled. “Looked big.”

“It was no. Big.” Buffy widened her eyes at him.

“It means she doesn’t want to talk about it with me here,” Dawn said, “even though I’m old enough to know.”

“No, it means I don’t want to talk about it at all. It’s not a problem,” Buffy said firmly, ignoring the chill that dripped along her spine. “Really.”

“You fell asleep, sitting on the floor?” Xander asked, “and it’s not a problem?”

“Hey, I’m a Slayer. I sleep when I can,” Buffy said. “And that’s all I’m going to say about the matter.” If it was a monster, if Giles could find it, then she’d tell them. Until then, it was just a weird recurring dream. Right?

“Huh.” Xander glowered.

“Oh, forget it, Xander,” Dawn said, grabbing his arm. “Let’s go watch ‘American Idol.’” She gave Buffy a quick grin as she hauled Xander out of the room, mouthing the words, “You owe me big,” as they left the kitchen.

Buffy puffed out her cheeks, licking the last of her ice cream from her spoon. She rinsed the three bowls and left them in the sink, watching the water swirl down the drain. Tomorrow, she’d have to tell Giles what she felt, what she saw, while she dreamed. The fury, the despair, the incredible hunger.

And a pair of golden eyes, flashing up from the ocean’s floor.


End file.
